Crimes Against Humanity: An Old Word With A New Meaning...Maybe

A few weeks ago I had the following conversation at work:

ME: I don’t think that's ready yet.

CO-WORKER: Oh ok. Just ping me whenever it is.

ME [to myself]: Excuse me, you want me to WHAT you?!

ME [actually out loud, eyes glazed over with confusion]: Sure…?

Now of course I’m not a complete imbecile, and so within the context of this conversation I assumed that my co-worker wanted me to “let her know” whenever the item in question was ready. But this isn’t the only time I’ve heard this new word, and I’d just like to make it clear that I’ve had enough!

First of all, what exactly does “ping” mean? Every time someone threatens to says they’re going to ping me, I walk away wondering if they’ll use a phone, computer, bike messenger, telegraph, or telepathy to get in touch. Is this something that’s stemmed from instant messaging, because of the sound it makes when you receive a message? Maybe, but we don’t have instant messaging capabilities at my job, so I think it must mean other forms of communication as well. I definitely don’t get the nuances of this word.

So I’ve started asking around, to people I really trust and don’t mind looking like a fool in front of, what exactly does this new word “ping” mean?  And the answers that I’ve received have been disappointing.

They usually begin with a straight forward answer that always starts with the word “Oh.” As in, Oh, let me tell you something I can’t BELIEVE you don’t know yet! What kind of rock have you been living under that you don’t know what “ping” means? You ready to be enlightened? Ok.

It’s after the word “Oh” that the answers begin to deviate from each other. I’ve heard:

   A. “Oh, it means email.”

   B. “Oh, it means call”

   C. “Oh, it means IM”

   D. “Oh, it means follow up”

   E. And my favorite “Oh, I have no idea. I’ve been wondering about that too.”

So then I usually follow up with:

   A. But why not just say email?

   B. But why not just say call?

   C. But why not just say message?

   D. But why not just say follow up?

   E. Oh thank god I’m not the only one. Ok I think it’s stupid and I’m not using it.

And the response I get is:  
A. Oh I think it means in real time, like at the exact moment it’s done, instead of just sometime in the future.

B. Yeah I’m not sure. I don’t really get it; I just say it and hope I’m saying it right.

C. Yeah I’m not sure. I don’t really get it; I just say it and hope I’m saying it right.

D. Yeah I’m not sure. I don’t really get it; I just say it and hope I’m saying it right.

E. [shamfully] Oh, I’ve used it. I just say it and hope I’m saying it right.

To answers B through E I say: For shame!! That is terrible. You can’t just say things because other people say them and hope you’re using it in the right context. Yes, I realize this is how any human being actually starts talking in the first place when they’re a baby, but beyond that it really starts to piss me off! That’s no better than wearing a piece of clothing not because it has attracted your eye and you think it’s awesome, but because it’s what all the cool kids are wearing.

To answer A I say: I’m impressed at how long you are willing to drag out this whole thing of you supplying me with an answer that you are really kind of making up on the spot.

I’m beginning to wonder if anyone actually gets the nuances of using this word in this context. And I propose that until someone can let me know EXACTLY what ping means and how it should be used, we should all just go back to saying normal, real words.