I'm with you on this one.
However, after looking at the cast list, part of me wishes this was an actual Shakespearean production of Romeo and Juliet:
James McAvoy - Gnomeo (Sure, why not?)
Emily Blunt - Juliet (Sounds good)
Michael Caine - Lord Redbrick (Awesome, whoever Lord Redbrick is.)
Maggie Smith - Lady Blueberry (I don't know who Lady Blueberry is either, but Maggie Smith...pretty awesome)
Patrick Stewart - Bill Shakespeare (Maybe Julie Taymor was a consultant?)
I must admit, these aren't the reasons why I want this to be an actual production. The main reasons:
Hulk Hogan - Terrafirmenator
(O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou brother?
Deny thy father and refuse thy name;
Or if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love
And I'll no longer be a Capulet because Hogan knows best!)
Ozzy Osbourne - Fawn (Why not throw him into the mix, too?)
Maybe I'm a bit jaded - when I studied this play in high school, the teacher made us read the modern English version and not the Shakespearean. Since then, I've always considered Romeo and Juliet to be one of Shakespeare's "lesser" plays (Surely not lesser than Coriolanus? Yes, lesser than Coriolanus).The fact that a modern English version even exists is the true crime against humanity here; anything done to it after that is an improvement. When you dance with the devil, you get burned. Even though you lather on countless tubes of aloe-vera laced with holy water, you'll never be able to soothe the pain of that initial burn. You'll be haunted. The scar tissue will forever serve as a reminder of your fall from grace.
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