Persons of Interest: Nas-tea Shop

(Before I begin, I need to address a serious issue: When did "persons" become an accepted plural noun? Isn't the plural of person people? I've noticed this with fish - when did "fishes" become acceptable?
If anyone can clear this up, please do so. It's of great concern to me.)

I like tea. The problem: not many places sell tea, which means fewer place sell loose tea. It's pretty simple for a coffee lover to pop in the local Starbucks or latest hipster coffee lounge (*shutter*) and grab a freshly brewed cup of exotically blended coffee. Not so for tea drinkers. Sure, Starbucks has teabags and some smaller coffee shops will offer loose tea. It's...okay...I guess, but I want more. I don't want to be handed a cup full of boiling water with a burnt teabag bobbing around like a sun-bleached buoy. I want a full on tea bar. I want special blends freshly brewed before my eyes. Should I add sugar...honey...milk...leave it black (or green...or white)? Questions of the past! The tea brewers will know exactly what to do to achieve the best cup of your favorite tea, whether simple black or exotic rooibos. That's my dream. Oh, and they'll do it without a smarmy attitude.


It was Columbus Day. I had the day off from work and decided to grab some lunch with my parents. We went to a mall and my mom and I decided to stop in Teavana to pick up some tea (REALLY!?) as a Thank You gift for a family friend. I've shopped there before, so I knew what to expect from the sales people. It's sales...they're going to push but still let the customer stay in control (lies...I'll totally buy more tea with mere suggestions, but I still feel good when I leave). However, I could tell as soon as I walked in that this visit was going to be different, gravely different.
As we walked in, I noticed the sales man looked rather dapper...a little too dapper for a sales man who works in a mall, chain, tea store: suit, tie, dress shoes (*please keep this in mind for the rest of the rant). Whatever. Maybe he has a great work ethic - Good for you, Dapper Dan.
I decided to get an infuser to go along with this tea basket. Why have a bunch of loose tea and nothing to brew it in? I picked out a nice, simple, single-cup one much like the following:

Nothing fancy, but gets the job done.
I brought it over to the counter and prepared for battle. (I'm ready! You're not going to load me down with all this unwanted tea. I'm gonna stick to my list, pay, and leave. You're not going to win THIS time, Teavana.) Before I could place my order, the teaologist (yeah, the workers are called "teaologist". Seriously? Seriously) comments on the infuser:

Dapper Dan: I see you're buying a tea infuser.
Me: Yep.
Dapper Dan: May I make a suggestion for the exact same price you can get a much better one.

He shows me the following:


Crazy, huh? The top cup is the infuser and when you place it on top of another cup, the tea strains through. Supposedly, it's wonderful. I'll admit that I did buy one for my dad thinking he would be enthralled by it. He used it once. It's a bitch to clean.

Me (to my mom): Yeah. I can see her making a mess of that. (Not "with that", mind you. The recipient is a very "hectic" woman and I envisioned bad things.)
Dapper Dan: Actually, that other one is a lot messier. You don't have to lift this out of the tea and worry about it dripping everywhere.
Me: Okay...our friend might be "hectic", to say the least but she's competent enough to lift a small metal cup out of a larger cup. She's not that lazy. Yeah...uh...the kids! Yeah, her kids are gonna LOVE that. I see very bad things happening with it (*this friend lives with her young niece and nephews...who are possibly easily amused).
Dapper Dan: NOT if you keep it out of their hands!
Me: Hello! WHAT!?
Mom: You don't know these children. That's a lot easier said than done.

Disgruntled, Dapper Dan went back to the register and took my order. While he was scooping out the tea, my mother and I decided to buy a little English Breakfast tea. It's a simple, basic black tea we knew our friend liked. If she didn't care for the other two blends we gave, at least she had English Breakfast.

Me: Could I also get some English Breakfast, please?
Dapper Dan: *eye roll* I honestly would get Golden Monkey. English Breakfast...well...it's the hot dog of the tea world. We only carry it because people demand it.
Me: I like hot dogs. Where's he going with...NOT COOL! Dude, turn around! You carry a tea called "Weight to Go!" If that's not selling out, I don't know what is. I bet you don't even drink tea! You work in a CHAIN...in a MALL. What? The interview with Harney&Sons didn't go well? Could I please talk with someone who values/needs this $8.50/hour job?

This bashing of English Breakfast continued for the next five minutes, while he continued trying to sell me the $18.50/2 oz. Golden Monkey (I like monkeys, but it smelled like monkeys). Even when he talked me into buying a pound of English Breakfast, he berated it. I can understand being somewhat picky about the water's temperature, the amount of tea used, and how long you steep it for. These are all factors that will affect the flavor of your tea (boiling = burnt tea; too little = no flavor; steep too long = bitter). But really? You're going to belittle people because of their flavor preferences? You like what you like. You can't force yourself to little something - you either do, or you don't. So Prometheus, thanks for the fire but you can take it back to Mount Olympus. My cup of English Breakfast will keep me plenty warm.