Sour Gripes: Cupcakes

I don't like cupcakes. That's right...I don't like them. I've said it. 
Okay...maybe it's not cupcakes themselves but this whole cupcake trend is ridiculous (cooking shows, cupcake-only bakeries, cupcake wedding cakes, etc.).
 
If there was a cupcake and a slice of cake - same flavor/frosting - I would hands-down go for the slice of cake. This isn't to say I would turn down a cupcake if it was the only option, but given the choice...cake all the way! 
My feelings are strictly from a practical standpoint. Cupcakes are so damn difficult to eat. They are...don't deny it. Do you lick the frosting off first? Maybe remove the wrapper and go to town on it? If you just bite right in, you run the risk of smearing frosting all over yourself: face, hands...it can get pretty ugly. DON'T even get me started on people who use a fork to eat a cupcake. CUPCAKES DO NOT WORK THAT WAY! Have I eaten a cupcake with a fork: yes. Am I so ashamed that I seriously considered omitting this fact but then worried someone would call me out on it, forcing me to go back and own up to it while looking like a complete hypocrite who must now subject herself to even more ridicule from the masses: YES!

People have gone to great lengths to win me to the cupcake side. Sooooo many people have told me that I just need to have a technique: simply separate the stump from the cap, invert the stump and place it ON TOP of the frosted cap, making a nice little cupcake sandwich.
... ... ...
That seems like A LOT of work for one little cupcake. I'm sure if that's how you're suppose to eat them, that's how they would be sold! Do I even need to mention the increased risk of dropping said cupcake while mutilating it?

Are cupcakes cute? YES! Are they the perfect sweet treat? NO!
That's it. That's my cupcake rant.