tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10717959787549989142024-03-12T21:54:23.347-07:00T.A.S.K.Transcontinental Annoyances of Shannon and KristinKristin Seabolthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16937031012052081279noreply@blogger.comBlogger25125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1071795978754998914.post-20474672399375157502012-07-17T12:27:00.001-07:002012-07-17T12:27:32.023-07:00Sour Gripes: Cupcakes<span style="font-family: georgia;">I don't like cupcakes. That's right...I don't like them. I've said it. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: georgia;">Okay...maybe it's not cupcakes themselves but this whole cupcake trend is ridiculous (cooking shows, cupcake-only bakeries, cupcake wedding cakes, etc.).<br /> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: georgia;">If there was a cupcake and a slice of cake - same flavor/frosting - I would hands-down go for the slice of cake. This isn't to say I would turn down a cupcake if it was the only option, but given the choice...cake all the way! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: georgia;">My feelings are strictly from a practical standpoint. Cupcakes are so damn difficult to eat. They are...don't deny it. Do you lick the frosting off first? Maybe remove the wrapper and go to town on it? If you just bite right in, you run the risk of smearing frosting all over yourself: face, hands...it can get pretty ugly. DON'T even get me started on people who use a fork to eat a cupcake.<b> CUPCAKES DO NOT WORK THAT WAY!</b> Have I eaten a cupcake with a fork: yes. Am I so ashamed that I seriously considered omitting this fact but then worried someone would call me out on it, forcing me to go back and own up to it while looking like a complete hypocrite who must now subject herself to even more ridicule from the masses: YES! <br /><br />People have gone to great lengths to win me to the cupcake side. Sooooo many<b> </b>people have told me that I just need to have a technique: simply separate the stump from the cap, invert the stump and place it ON TOP of the frosted cap, making a nice little cupcake sandwich.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: georgia;">... ... ...<br />That seems like A LOT of work for one little cupcake. I'm sure if that's how you're suppose to eat them, that's how they would be sold! Do I even need to mention </span><span style="font-family: georgia;">the increased risk of dropping said cupcake while mutilating it?</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br />Are cupcakes cute? YES! Are they <i>the perfect </i>sweet treat? NO!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: georgia;">That's it. That's my cupcake rant.<span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><br /></span></span> <span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-style: italic;"></span></span></span>Shananahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05597479129364679669noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1071795978754998914.post-51122065043948818172012-06-21T13:48:00.001-07:002012-06-24T06:58:57.482-07:00Chartreuse and PuceI wish the colors "chartreuse" and "puce" would switch names. <br />
<br />
That is all.Shananahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05597479129364679669noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1071795978754998914.post-79883132976756097152012-04-10T13:30:00.005-07:002012-04-11T06:37:19.383-07:00Dear Humanity....A Lesson in Public Etiquette<span style="font-family:georgia;">I work in a college. <span style="font-style: italic;"><br />WHY </span>is it that, every time I go to the restroom, I must face toilets that have not been flushed for what appears to be weeks?<br />1. If that's the state you're leaving them in, you should probably see a doctor.<br />2. This is <span style="font-style: italic;">COLLEGE,</span> people! You really<span style="font-style: italic;"> </span>can't flush your mess away? <span style="font-style: italic;">REALLY?!</span><br /></span>Shananahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05597479129364679669noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1071795978754998914.post-36021108340927934512012-03-28T16:24:00.002-07:002012-03-28T16:24:42.589-07:00Dear Humanity...."A lot" is two words.<br />
<br />
Thanks,<br />
Kristin.Kristin Seabolthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16937031012052081279noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1071795978754998914.post-35800122721065849452012-03-06T09:03:00.035-08:002012-03-14T10:54:03.078-07:00Planning a Wedding<span style="font-family:georgia;">This may be a surprise to some of our readers (I write that as though there's a mighty T.A.S.K. army sitting on the edge of their seats, waiting for a new post every month), but I will be getting married in a couple of months. The marriage will take place in a Catholic church. Because of this, my fiance (ugh...I hate that word...let's just use Beloved. No lie: that's how we were referred to this weekend, "How does beloved feel about this?") and I had to attend a marriage preparation retreat: The Pre-Cana. It consists of a four hour seminar Saturday night, followed by seven hours on Sunday.<br />Below is an account of this retreat; events do not occur in real time.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Background</span><br />In the days/months leading up to the Pre-Cana, I knew it was going to be ridiculous. Not only is it expected that couples make a donation to the church they will be married in, but I have to pay $120 for this mandatory retreat?! Wasn't the Catholic Church one of the richest organizations in the world? Does it really need to charge for this? What happened to all that money? OH! ... ...<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Day 1</span><br />So Beloved and I arrived Saturday night and went right over to the check-in table. Being the one who signed us up - and the Catholic - I gave my name first. I was ignored. The woman running the table just stared at Beloved until he gave his name. She then turned to me and said,<br />"I'm not ignoring you. We just have the men listed in the first column here."<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Really...it's that difficult for you to shift your eyes a few inches and look up my name? </span>I gave her the look of death until she checked off our names. Which took much longer than it should have: she was LITERALLY looking at our names and said we weren't listed. <span style="font-style: italic;">Bitch, NO! </span>Continuing my look of death I pointed at our names, to no avail. Apparently, I don't know my beloved's name...? That's when the look of death transformed into the voice of death:<br />"Here! We're right HERE!"<br />"Isn't that something. Your name is spelled differently from this man's but you pronounce it the same way!"<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">No, we don't. Those are two completely different names. Perhaps cross-checking against the female's name would have been of use. But what do I know...I'm just a girl.</span><br /><br />After that <s>belittling</s> joyful experience, we went to pick up our information folders. I was downright shocked when I was told the official registration form was in my folder! <span style="font-style: italic;">(Why sir, I do believe you are trying to flatter me. Why else would you trust little old me with such an important document? Don't fret, now. I'll hand this off right away to my fiance. He'll be able to take good care of it in his strong, manly hands. I am just simply one helpless damsel without him.)</span> So I gave Beloved the form and insisted, being the man (i.e. more important of the sexes), he needed to take care of the form, to which he mumbled something about it going to be a long weekend.<br /><br />Boy was he right!<br /><br />A few minutes later, the priest and presenting married couples entered the room. As important as they think this retreat is, someone should have told Young Wife she could skip the opening remarks so she could finish breast feeding - NOPE! I looked up and saw Young Wife coming down the stairs breast feeding her baby. Huh! Not what I was expecting to see...not at all! (Plus, is it really that safe to be breastfeeding AND walking down stairs?)<br /><br />The rest of the evening actually wasn't too bad. There would be a presentation, then we divided up to answer some worksheets. After about ten minutes, we searched each other out to discuss our answers. I'll admit, it was pretty nice to have this time set aside to talk without any distractions...except the AA meeting at the end of the hall. The retreat center doesn't have that much space so most of us had to huddle on the hallway floors. I may have mild to moderate OCD, but I'll accept sitting on the floor. However, discussing personal relationship issues with the person you're preparing to spend your life with, surrounded by other couples within earshot, while listening to alcoholic Rob ("Hi, Rob!") discuss his own inner demons...the moment just didn't seem right. Needless to say, Beloved and I weren't taking anything too seriously. So when the "Feelings" presentation began and we were asked to turn to our partner and tell him or her one feeling you're currently feeling, it should be no surprise our answers were:<br />"I'm kinda sleepy."<br />"I'm pretty gassy. Why did we stop at Burger King before this? That was a bad idea."<br /><br />Sleepy and gassy; that pretty much sums up day one.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Day 2<br /></span>The retreat center was oh so kind enough to provide us with breakfast for the morning: bagels and breads...breakfast foods. I do like me some bagels, but I found it a bit odd that some of the bagels already had cream cheese on them. In one sense, it was a great time saver. I mean, who really wants to be the one to take 50 tiny cream cheese packets, so you have just enough (only to go back up for a few more because you still underestimated how much of a monster you truly are). But on the other hand, it really grosses me out to think a bunch of elderly volunteers were rounded up for this task...with their liver spot covered hands fondling those bagels, coughing their wet, phlegm-y coughs all over them. Then again, it would give the elderly something productive to do, instead of trying to lure unsuspecting parishioners back to their gingerbread houses for Sunday dinner (now<span style="font-weight: bold;"> <span style="font-style: italic;">that's </span></span>a story for another time).<br /><br />So Sunday began with Young Couple telling us that, though it may be very hard, in light of everything we've been learning about our beloved, it might be best to postpone or even cancel the wedding. <span style="font-style: italic;">Excuse me?! I waited 6 years, 9 months, and 10 days for this proposal. The amount of money I've already paid to vendors could have been a nice down payment on a house. Did I hear you correctly? You actually want me to reconsider this wedding? Bitch, NO! It will be a bitter, cold day in hell before the thought of even possibly considering postponing this wedding enters my mind. So cold that, when compared to </span><span>Star Wars'</span><span style="font-style: italic;"> snow planet of Hoth, Hoth will seem like a sweltering, tropical paradise rich with lush, green vegetation. Since you tried to plant this seed of doubt in Beloved's mind, you ma'am, have moved up on my list! (That's right...you made the cut with the breastfeeding incident from yesterday.)<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-style: italic;"></span></span></span></span></span><span>Then it was on to the Finance presentation. This is when we were regaled by the Postmenopausal Era Couple about the time a money issue lead to a wonderful night of love-making. I don't know the connection between the two. All I know is they were discussing the family's finances and Postmenopausal Era Wife was very concerned. To calm her, Postmenopausal Era Husband stroked her neck...then they made love, "it didn't solve the issue, but it brought [them] together."<br />I don't know about you, but does anyone else think that Postmenopausal Era Husband was tired of listening to his wife and just wanted to distract her from the issue at hand?<br /><br />Then is was lunch time. I think they purposely plan lunch right after the finances to keep people there:<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Beloved:</span> "So, do you want to stay here for the lunch that's provided or grab something down the street?"<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Me:</span> "I don't know. Are we allowed out?"<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Beloved: <span style="font-weight: bold;"></span></span>"I'm pretty sure we can leave."<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Me: </span>"Yeah...but...if we have lunch here, we could save money...money we can use on wine after this."<br />So we stayed. We initially were only going to see what they were serving, but it was tough to get out once you entered the dinning hall: several round tables were set up with food - four couples to a table! I'm pretty sure they were keeping tabs on who stayed.<br />So yeah...we all had to play the "WOW! I'm probably never going to see you again so I really don't care what you have to say but I'm <span style="font-style: italic;">sooooooooo</span> interested in how you met/when your wedding is/where you're going for the honeymoon. <span style="font-style: italic;">PLEASE</span>, continue and tell me more!" Unfortunately for you dear reader, </span><span style="font-family:georgia;"><span>Postmenopausal Era Couple didn't sit at our table; nor did Young Couple. I'm sure I missed a wonderful tutorial in breast feeding from Young Wife - ah well!<br /><br />Guess what the topic was right after lunch...GUESS!<br />...<br />...<br />...<br />SEX!<br />Enter couple number three: NFP Couple (Natural Family Planning, or 'Nother Fetus Please). This is the couple that found everything to be funny...except...<span style="font-weight: bold;">contraception</span>:<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">NFP Wife</span>: "Then we had another little blessing. That's seven in total!" *painfully obvious fake laugh* (but you know it's not fake so you try to pity her but you just can't because of that vainglorious undertone) "Now, some women choose to take those hormone pills. Did you know that most of <span style="font-weight: bold;">those </span>pills will allow for fertilization but won't let the fetus attach to the uterine wall...which is an abortion! That's right. Those are abortion pills and we all know what to think about those!" *Again, the fake laugh but this time incredibly inappropriate*<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">I don't know but I'm pretty sure there's some passage in the Bible about not judging others, lest ye be judged. There's no doubt everyone is harshly judging her so I guess she's in the right. Surely this verbal stoning must be over...</span></span></span><span style="font-family:georgia;"><span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">70 Year Old Priest: </span>"The secular world says that living together before marriage is fine. What do you think about this: studies have shown that most couples who lived together before marriage end up divorcing. It's true. They have done studies and that's what they say."<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">First, Beloved and I can't un-live all those years we've lived together in the past. Second, how do you feel about studies that show homosexuality is not a choice?<br /><br /></span>(On a side note, I didn't need to know that Young Baby was an NFP baby. I also didn't need to know that Young Couple attended an NFP seminar conducted by NFP Couple in order to learn how to conceive Young Baby. I'm already haunted by the thought of NFP Couple meticulously planning sex...no need to add more into the mix.)<span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"></span><br /></span><br />The day ended with a mass and distribution of </span></span><span style="font-family:georgia;"><span>completion certificates (for real), but not until we had to write love letters to our beloved. When </span></span><span style="font-family:georgia;"><span>Postmenopausal Era Husband said it was his wife's love letters that helped him through the Navy, all I could think of were the love letters of James Joyce. (If you haven't read these...umm...read at your own risk...'nough said.)<br /></span></span><span style="font-family:georgia;"><span><br />So yeah...that's the </span></span><span style="font-family:georgia;">Pre-Cana in a nutshell.</span><span style="font-family:georgia;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><br /></span></span>Shananahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05597479129364679669noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1071795978754998914.post-2003322494758115532012-01-23T05:45:00.000-08:002012-01-27T08:04:57.589-08:00Childhood Memories: Full House<span style="font-family:georgia;">Does anyone remember the episode of Full House where Uncle Jesse's song "Forever"made it to number one...in JAPAN! This is NOT to be confused with the one where the family got "stranded" on a "random" island in Hawaii and ended up on stage with the Beach Boys (oops...spoilers...sorry). I have asked countless people and not one knows what I'm talking about. (Okay...I've asked two people, but still...that's two too many!)<br /><br />The other day I had a huge craving for honey-roasted peanuts. Despite my suspicions about having a mild nut allergy, I bought a small bag which lead me to think about the aforementioned Full House episode. Here's what happened:<br />Jesse's song "Forever" went to number one in Japan and the record label decided to fly him and his family over for a little tour. Jesse, Becky, their twins (Nicky and Alex - yeah...I even know the middle names of D.J., Stephanie, and Michelle: Margaret, Judith, Elizabeth), and Jesse's Japanese servant had to fight their way through a mob of screaming fans to get to the dressing room. Jesse sends his servant out into the crowd countless times because he keeps changing his mind about what type of nuts he feels like for a snack. He finally settles on the type he had on the plane ride over...Honey-Roasted! Right before he sends his servant (I think his name was Koji or something) out into the crowd again, Becky gives Jesse a look of utter disgust and, in an accusing tone, says "Jess?!" This is when Jesse, innocently asks "What?" Becky backs down.<br />LATER in the episode, Becky explodes at Jesse because he's not spending enough time with her and the twins, NOR has he written to little Michelle.<br /><br />MY POINT...Becky is being a douche nozzle*! I mean this is Jesse's DREAM to be a rock star. He's clearly not going to obtain that status in the U.S. (In later seasons, The Rippers eventually kick him out of the band and when Jesse starts a new one he names it...wait for it...Hot Daddy and the Monkey Puppets. Yeah...nail in the coffin.) Why can't Becky just let him live his dream for a brief few weeks? Sure, he needs to stay grounded but he has work to do! He can't really tell the record company, which is paying for this trip, that he would rather go on a tour of Mount Fuji with his family. Shouldn't Becky be glad the company is letting her and the twins come along?<br /><br />Becky pulled the same stunt when they went to Disney World, too. Again, Jesse was there to WORK with his band and she got all bitchy because he didn't meet her for a picnic. Really? The whole reason you're there is because of your husband's work. You're really going to bitch about it? Not to mention you're staying at the Grand Floridian...the GRAND FLORIDIAN! Perhaps if Jesse got to tour in Nebraska, Becky would feel differently.<br /><br />*A special thanks to my friend Suzanne for the term "douche nozzle".<br /></span>Shananahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05597479129364679669noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1071795978754998914.post-29741959636658925932011-08-02T11:50:00.000-07:002013-03-12T12:47:08.864-07:00Persons of Interest: Theatre Kids<span style="font-family: georgia;">Those of you fortunate enough to have received my short-lived email newsletter<span style="font-style: italic;"> Life Sucks, Get a Helmet </span>will recognize the following post. I think it deserves a place in T.A.S.K.'s literary canon, but you be the judge.<br /></span><span style="font-family: georgia;">So, there's this unwritten law that Theatre Kids and Literature Kids hate each other (</span><span style="font-family: georgia; font-style: italic;">surely you jest, as you live with one</span><span style="font-family: georgia;">...jest I do not. We accept it and continue our cohabitation...most of the time). This is a strange phenomenon as both are pretty similar. Hear me out: both are artistic; both have an appreciation of art in its various forms; and both </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: georgia;">regard </span><span style="font-family: georgia;">outsiders with scorn and malice (don't deny it...just think about how many copies of </span><i style="font-family: georgia;">The Da Vinci Code </i><span style="font-family: georgia;">have sold...exactly. Theatre Kids, well, they just look down on everyone...theatre related, or not - monsters).</span><br />
<span style="font-family: georgia;">Now when these two </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: georgia;">fractions</span><span style="font-family: georgia;"> are subjected to each others' company an interesting dynamic is created. Throw some gamers into the mix and it makes for an interesting, blog-worthy evening...</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: georgia;">It was Halloween night and I found myself in the basement of a comic book shop, surrounded by guilds questing for dominance over some other worldly realm and Theatre Kids (</span><span style="font-family: georgia; font-style: italic;">there's a difference?</span><span style="font-family: georgia;"> Slightly, yes). The Theatre Kids were performing a dramatic reading of the radio broadcast of </span><i style="font-family: georgia;">The War of the Worlds.</i><span style="font-family: georgia;"> Apparently a lot of companies do this on Halloween and it really is a nifty idea: studio microphones are set up; objects for sound effects are placed on a table; actors wear period clothing. Everything is set up as though you are in the radio studio watching the broadcast live.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: georgia;">Because I refused to venture into a comic book shop alone, I arrived a little early with my soon-to-be Theatre Husband (yeah, I can't believe it either...I'm going to marry a theatre kid) and read on a couch while everyone else set up. So far it wasn't too bad. Then the woman next to me chimes in:</span><br />
<u style="font-family: georgia;">Woman</u><span style="font-family: georgia;">: What's going on here? What are they setting up for?</span><br />
<u style="font-family: georgia;">Me:</u><span style="font-family: georgia;"> This theatre compnay is going to have a performance. It's a dramatic reading of </span><i style="font-family: georgia;">The War of the Worlds.</i><span style="font-family: georgia;"> (What a pitch for them, huh?)</span><br />
<u style="font-family: georgia;">Woman:</u><span style="font-family: georgia;"> Ah...*with a look of: </span><i style="font-family: georgia;">what strange people</i><u style="font-family: georgia;">Me</u><i style="font-family: georgia;"><u>:</u> </i><i style="font-family: georgia;">Oh, what's that? Your son is at a gaming event in the BASEMENT of a comic book shop; on Halloween night, no less. </i><i style="font-family: georgia;">He's not hanging out with friends or trick-or-treating? Yeah, he'll be well adjusted when he grows up. Probably end up doing a lot of theatre. Not to mention this is something straight out of </i><span style="font-family: georgia;">Law and Order: SVU.</span><br />
<i style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></i><span style="font-family: georgia;">That aside, the performance was pretty good...except, every now and then a spell cast on an elf by a goblin would carry over into our space. Poor venue choice.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: georgia;">Whatever. They did it and it was good. Hooray! Then it was off to the costume party, hosted by Theatre Kids. (Blast! The rest of the evening I'll be on their territory. Oh well...)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: georgia;">(By the way, I did a couples costume: he was Robin Hood and I was Maid Marian - only I dressed like a hotel maid with a Marian name tag. Clever, no?)</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: georgia;">The party wasn't bad. It went like all other cast parties I'm dragged me to: I stick to my theatre kid like glue, we find a nice place to sit, then he leaves me to go grab a smoke EVEN THOUGH we discussed weeks earlier I HATE it when he leaves me alone at these things.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: georgia;">So there I am, sitting on a couch...alone. Then some guy sits down next to me:</span><br />
<u style="font-family: georgia;">Guy:</u><span style="font-family: georgia;"> Hey.</span><br />
<u style="font-family: georgia;">Me:</u><span style="font-family: georgia;"> Hello.</span><br />
<u style="font-family: georgia;">Guy:</u><span style="font-family: georgia;"> I've never seen you before. How are you connected with the company?</span><br />
<u style="font-family: georgia;">Me:</u><span style="font-family: georgia;"> Likewise. Umm...my boyfriend was in the show tonight and he's been in a few other shows with them.</span><br />
<u style="font-family: georgia;">Guy:</u><span style="font-family: georgia;"> AH! What's your name?</span><br />
<u style="font-family: georgia;">Me:</u><span style="font-family: georgia;"> Shannon.</span><br />
<u style="font-family: georgia;">Guy:</u><span style="font-family: georgia;"> I hate your name!</span><br />
<u style="font-family: georgia;">Me:</u><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span><i style="font-family: georgia;">WTF! Hello...WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?! </i><br />
<u style="font-family: georgia;">Guy:</u><span style="font-family: georgia;"> No! Not you...that was my ex-girlfriend's name.</span><br />
<u style="font-family: georgia;">Me:</u><span style="font-family: georgia;"> What the hell's your name?</span><br />
<u style="font-family: georgia;">Guy:</u><span style="font-family: georgia;"> Jeff.</span><br />
<u style="font-family: georgia;">Me:</u><span style="font-family: georgia;"> With a "G" or "J"?</span><br />
<u style="font-family: georgia;">Guy:</u><span style="font-family: georgia;"> "J".</span><br />
<u style="font-family: georgia;">Me:</u><span style="font-family: georgia;"> Oh! The stupid, loser way to spell it.</span><br />
<u style="font-family: georgia;">Stupid Loser Jeff:</u><span style="font-family: georgia;"> Yeah</span><br />
<span style="font-family: georgia;">That's when Stupid Loser Jeff got up and went into the other room.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: georgia;">Why would you ever say something like that to someone you just met? I mean, I'm pretty socially awkward but come on! "I hate your name"? Yeah, I hate YOU, Stupid Loser Jeff. I later found out that Stupid Loser Jeff is a jerk.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: georgia;">This is what happens when Theatre Kids and Lit. Kids mingle. This will eventually lead to a full blown rumble. Only with this rumble, there will be no blades or heaters. The Theatre Kids will "saw the air too much" with their hands and tire out. That's when us Lit. Kids make our move: a swift sweep across their faces with our trusty, yet hefty, Norton Anthology. You've been Nortonized! </span><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span>Shananahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05597479129364679669noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1071795978754998914.post-25636736421886539382011-05-16T07:11:00.000-07:002011-05-16T07:42:29.707-07:00Signs of the Apocalypse: E-Readers<span style="font-family:georgia;">If anyone has one of these atrocities, please enlighten me. How awesome is your world now that you can carry around a libraries worth of books anywhere your go? That is, of course, if you remember to charge it.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">What if you forget to charge your precious electronic? Are people really okay with letting an electronic determine when they are allowed to read? It brought me so much joy when I saw a young, hip, business woman on the train realize her e-reader wasn't charged. She went to turn it on...*annoyed huff*. She flicked the switch again...*more annoyed huff* "Seriously?" She tried again..."Seriously? Seriously!? Seriously." She gave a final huff and gave up (</span><i style="font-family: georgia;">life is so hard and unfair, right?). </i><span style="font-family:georgia;"> </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">The great thing about books is you can access them at anytime. Books don't determine when it's time to read...the reader does! This is the Achilles heel of e-readers. What do you do when you're on an airplane and you need to turn off all electronic devices? Strike up a conversation with the person next to you? Hmm...that could be fun. Maybe your little air buddy will warn you about the dangers of gypsies in Europe ("You know a trick gypsies have is they throw their baby at you so you'll drop your stuff in order to save the baby, but it's a trick. While you're focusing on saving the baby, they actually rob you...and there's no baby! Just a bundle of clothes"). Or maybe it's your little air buddy's first time flying and, since you're not busy, he can ask you what every little noise and button is. Maybe you two can even quiz each other on the information in the safety pamphlet. That would be fun, huh? </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">With the popularity of e-readers on the rise, is society saying reading is only a hobby for the elite? Bookstores are already struggling to compete with e-readers. If this continues, books could become obsolete. Think about it, how often do you see someone using a Walkman? And when was the last time someone made you a mix tape? Just as mp3 players dominate the music landscape, e-readers could become the preferred way of reading. Books are useful to everyone. E-readers are only useful to people who have a power source and a computer. How will people in less developed parts of the world access knowledge and earn an education without books? Education is for everyone, not just those who can afford the latest technological craze. </span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;"> (Besides, what will society do with all the books that are left behind after e-readers rise to power? Burn them? We all know we else use to burn books...just putting it out there.)</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">E-readers remove the reader from the whole reading experience. You're holding an electronic. A book lets you feel the actual work. The weight of every word is in your hands and you have a true sense of how much work the author put into that piece. </span><span style="font-family:georgia;">Let's cherish books for what they are: a physical representation of another human's literary passion and hard work. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;"><span style="font-family:georgia;">In closing, please enjoy the following:</span><br /></span><br /><object style="height: 425px; width: 344px;"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/x4BK_2VULCU?version=3"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/x4BK_2VULCU?version=3" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowscriptaccess="always" width="344" height="425"></embed></object>Shananahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05597479129364679669noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1071795978754998914.post-10457042004411268682011-04-08T17:13:00.000-07:002011-04-08T17:29:03.882-07:00Comment: Ew. Just Ew<span style="font-family:georgia;">I wish Kristin's post was an April Fool's joke...but it's not. Those things are real. I will admit that I gagged quite a bit when I read, "</span><span style="line-height: 115%;font-family:georgia;" >outties that are like three inches long and show through every shirt and sweater". </span><span style="font-family:georgia;">EWWW! It's like a turkey timer: POP! Baby's done! (And don't get me started on a newborn who still has some umbilical cord attached and parents just need to wait a few days - or weeks, I really don't know - for it to fall off!)</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Maybe belly button rings are a way to tide teens over until they can get a tattoo? Janie's totally gonna get a sweet tat on her lower back as soon as she's 18 (</span><i style="font-family: georgia;">why are her parents so lame and making her wait soooooo long? Don't they know she's not little Janie anymore. In fact, she's Jane and needs to show this by having a butterfly, fluttering freely through the air, forever imprinted on her lower back? Like, so lame.)</i><span style="font-family:georgia;">. The belly button ring is probably a compromise between parent and child. Until she gets that Tramp Stamp on her own, Janie might as well adorn her belly with some bling? Even if her parents signed off a tattoo, would they really want their daughter to get one on her belly? It's like they know she's bound to get knocked up. What if she needs a C-section? That totally original butterfly flying freely along a rainbow, leaving a trail of flowers will get cut up...bummer. The only logical thing to do is pierce that belly!</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Why do these...things exist? Isn't flaunting your body all over the place what got you into this situation in the first place? Why would you want to keep it (not to mention if your new outie doesn't go back to an innie)? Do you really want to draw attention to a long, saggy belly button (*dry heave*). Imagine if THAT got caught on some clothes (*continued dry heave*).</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">In regards to the teen pregnancy shows: yes, I watch them. I'm amazed that teen pregnancy is still an issue in this day and age. On more than one episode the knocked up teen's friend asks, "How did it happen?" What? Really? You're really asking that question? America </span><b style="font-family: georgia;">needs</b><span style="font-family:georgia;"> to improve its math skills: that disclaimer about contraception being 99% safe - someone's got to be that 1% and it looks like it's your friend! At least this show has taught me why teen pregnancy is still an issue. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Overall, body piercings just baffle me; however I am a fan of the industrial ear piercing, but only if it's a barbell that looks like a spear. It's like the person had some amazing Gulliver style adventure. Maybe the spear that's lodged in his ear is a proud battle wound (</span><i style="font-family: georgia;">You escaped the Lilliputians? How cool is that?</i><span style="font-family:georgia;">).</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;"> Ears are one thing, though. I don't mind looking them. But who, in all honesty, likes looking at belly buttons? It really doesn't need any added attention. Ew...just ew.<br /></span>Shananahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05597479129364679669noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1071795978754998914.post-46722951762480312172011-04-06T13:41:00.000-07:002011-05-13T11:48:39.690-07:00Crimes Against Humanity: An Old Word With A New Meaning...Maybe<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">A few weeks ago I had the following conversation at work: </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><b>ME:</b> I don’t think that's ready yet. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">CO-WORKER: </span></span></b><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">Oh ok. Just ping me whenever it is.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><b>ME [to myself]:</b> <i>Excuse me, you want me to <b>WHAT</b> you?!</i></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><b>ME [actually out loud, eyes glazed over with confusion]:</b> Sure…?</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">Now of course I’m not a complete imbecile, and so within the context of this conversation I assumed that my co-worker wanted me to “let her know” whenever the item in question was ready. But this isn’t the only time I’ve heard this new word, and I’d just like to make it clear that I’ve had enough!</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">First of all, what exactly does “ping” mean? Every time someone <strike>threatens to</strike> says they’re going to ping me, I walk away wondering if they’ll use a phone, computer, bike messenger, telegraph, or telepathy to get in touch. Is this something that’s stemmed from instant messaging, because of the sound it makes when you receive a message? Maybe, but we don’t have instant messaging capabilities at my job, so I think it must mean other forms of communication as well. I definitely don’t get the nuances of this word. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">So I’ve started asking around, to people I really trust and don’t mind looking like a fool in front of, <i>what exactly does this new word “ping” mean?</i></span> <span style="line-height: 115%;"> And the answers that I’ve received have been disappointing. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">They usually begin with a straight forward answer that always starts with the word “Oh.” As in, <i>Oh, let me tell you something I can’t BELIEVE you don’t know yet! What kind of rock have you been living under that you don’t know what “ping” means? You ready to be enlightened? Ok.</i> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">It’s after the word “Oh” that the answers begin to deviate from each other. I’ve heard: </span></span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"> A. </span><span style="line-height: 115%;">“Oh, it means email.”</span></span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"><b> B. </b></span></span><span style="line-height: 115%;">“Oh, it means call”</span></span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"><b> C.</b></span></span><b><span style="line-height: 115%;"> </span></b><span style="line-height: 115%;">“Oh, it means IM”</span></span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: -0.25in;"><b><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> D</span><span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">.</span></span><span style="line-height: 115%;"> </span></span></b><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">“Oh, it means follow up”</span></span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"><b> E</b>.</span></span><span style="line-height: 115%;"> And my favorite “Oh, I have no idea. I’ve been wondering about that too.”</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">So then I usually follow up with: </span></span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><b><span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> A</span><span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">. </span></b></span><span style="line-height: 115%;">But why not just say email?</span></span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"><b> B.</b> </span></span><span style="line-height: 115%;">But why not just say call?</span></span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"><b> C.</b> </span></span><span style="line-height: 115%;">But why not just say message?</span></span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"><b> D.</b> </span></span><span style="line-height: 115%;">But why not just say follow up?</span></span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"><b> E.</b> </span></span><span style="line-height: 115%;">Oh thank god I’m not the only one. Ok I think it’s stupid and I’m not using it.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">And the response I get is: <b> </b></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><b>A.</b> Oh I think it means in real time, like at the exact moment it’s done, instead of just sometime in the future.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><b>B.</b> Yeah I’m not sure. I don’t really get it; I just say it and hope I’m saying it right. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><b>C.</b> Yeah I’m not sure. I don’t really get it; I just say it and hope I’m saying it right.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><b>D.</b> Yeah I’m not sure. I don’t really get it; I just say it and hope I’m saying it right.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><b>E.</b> [shamfully] Oh, I’ve used it. I just say it and hope I’m saying it right.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">To answers B through E I say: For shame!! That is terrible. You can’t just say things because other people say them and hope you’re using it in the right context. Yes, I realize this is how any human being actually starts talking in the first place when they’re a baby, but beyond that it really starts to piss me off! That’s no better than wearing a piece of clothing not because it has attracted your eye and you think it’s awesome, but because it’s what all the cool kids are wearing. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">To answer A I say: I’m impressed at how long you are willing to drag out this whole thing of you supplying me with an answer that you are really kind of making up on the spot. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">I’m beginning to wonder if <i>anyone</i> actually gets the nuances of using this word in this context. And I propose that until someone can let me know EXACTLY what ping means and how it should be used, we should all just go back to saying normal, real words. </span></span></div>Kristin Seabolthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16937031012052081279noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1071795978754998914.post-89006213318037243932011-04-01T11:04:00.000-07:002012-01-26T16:09:05.098-08:00Ew. Just Ew<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">Let me ask you something. What’s the purpose of a belly button ring? Think hard, and come up with the most truthful answer you possibly can – something more real than simply, “they’re cute.” If you think so, I still ask: Why there? Why the belly button? Some possible answers might be: </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">a) It draws attention to how tiny and flat a stomach is</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">b) It’s an accessory for the pool-side bikini season</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">c) It provides a challenge for thrill seekers who enjoy the challenge of getting through the day without getting it caught on any clothing and thus painfully ripping it through several layers of flesh, or</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">d) It draws attention to how tiny and flat a stomach is</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">If you’ve thought of any other purposes for a belly button ring, please be sure to educate me in the comments section below. However, I defy you to think of a purpose that would justify the use of the following product. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsj1hqLkCHhK_uVcna0HF70oU5Vk18OHYI5ng4AtCBjQDRDB31EjVRgXE54Mj0xwKodTmwCCHQHwD6PVkIxiJdeDKfgMw2SI8mWdLlNlSSocF5bPhDieDgOmgD8gAKeAv7oW5j5fWFINM/s1600/BBR.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><img border="0" r6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsj1hqLkCHhK_uVcna0HF70oU5Vk18OHYI5ng4AtCBjQDRDB31EjVRgXE54Mj0xwKodTmwCCHQHwD6PVkIxiJdeDKfgMw2SI8mWdLlNlSSocF5bPhDieDgOmgD8gAKeAv7oW5j5fWFINM/s1600/BBR.jpg" /></span></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">If you’re thinking that there’s something a little off about the belly button rings pictures above, you’re right. They’re absurdly long. Now I’ll give you all a moment to go take some Dramamine in an attempt to help you deal with the nausea that is about to overwhelm you, as I tell you what these special little rings are for……………</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">That’s right, you guessed it (or I bet you didn’t, because why would anyone ever think of this?): These are belly button rings for the ladies who currently have no vacancy in their wombs. Knocked up and ready to pop, you can now rest assured you will still be able to accompany your favorite pair of low rise booty shorts and tube top with the perfect accessory!!</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">These are creepy. My first problem with these is that pregnant belly buttons are weird. I’m continually perplexed by the fact that belly buttons that were once perfectly innocent, normal innies suddenly pop to outties that are like three inches long and show through every shirt and sweater. It’s like no belly button is really safe, except for a man’s of course. Just another cross the female sex has to bear, I suppose. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">And secondly I </span></span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">must conclude that these are being marketed for the ever-popular teen moms, since the greatest population of belly button ringers are typically within the 13-17 range. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">Those girls are so cool. You know the ones I’m talking about. How could you not? I don’t even have a TV and I know who they are because they’re on every rag mag in the grocery store check-out line – the same magazines that slap Angelina Jolie and Jessica Simpson on the cover every two weeks. The whole country has rewarded them for their actions by first putting them on TV and generating mass faux-sympathy for them and then making them as popular and famous as the movie stars they admire. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">So now we’ve got accessories exclusively designed for these cool girls that will keep them in the height of style while they are indisposed with producing progeny. Don’t worry girls, you can still go to your junior high pool party without looking like an unadorned-stomach loser! You may make people gag with your newly acquired, unsightly outie that has sparkle dangling from it, but you go right ahead. </span></span></div>Kristin Seabolthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16937031012052081279noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1071795978754998914.post-33779719878072239082011-03-09T11:57:00.000-08:002011-03-17T17:27:45.532-07:00Girl Scout Cookies<span style="font-family:georgia;">That's right. This post does not have a category. The scorn and malice that boils within me places this topic above classification.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Just what is the allure of these cookies? They don't even taste good (unless you consider waxy chocolate to be delicious). I will gladly buy a box of elf-made Keebler Grasshoppers over Thin Mints <span style="font-weight: bold;">ANYDAY</span>. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">I really hate when troops decide to set up shop outside of stores or inside subway stations, right in front of the turnstiles. What genius thought that spot was a good idea? Doesn't anyone notice the intense bottle neck it creates (</span><i style="font-family: georgia;">It's okay. It's not like I have a bus to catch NOW. Take your time buying these overpriced, over packaged, waxy cookies)</i><span style="font-family:georgia;">? The only bright side to this tactic is that some girls are actually there (no doubt because their mothers are the troop leaders). It's a lot better than parents who simply leave the order sheet in the break room at the office, fully expecting their co-workers to contribute to their daughters Top Seller T-shirt. NO! If </span><i style="font-family: georgia;">you</i><span style="font-family:georgia;"> want to be top seller and get that T-shirt, you better get off your ass and give me one damn good sales pitch...not your mom...not your dad...YOU! This is precisely why I will never order Girl Scout Cookies at work, even if the girl scout goes from office to office, pleading for a sale (</span><i style="font-family: georgia;">I'm sorry little girl, but not every little girl has a parent in a high ranking management position, who thinks it's part of her job description to guilt and pressure her employees once a year into buying cookies from you. It's simply unfair and I cannot support an organization that allows such villainy.</i><span style="font-family:georgia;">)</span><br /><i style="font-family: georgia;"> </i><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">I also don't understand what selling cookies has to do with Girl Scouts. I always thought this organization taught girls about leadership, values, and self-esteem. Let's take a quick look at values and self-esteem:</span><br /><br /><u style="font-family: georgia;">Values<br /></u><span style="font-family:georgia;">In selling cookies, doesn't that perpetuate an idea that woman should stay home and make cookies all day, at least on some subconscious level? (Personally, I would </span><i style="font-family: georgia;">love </i><span style="font-family:georgia;">this. I also belonged to a troop that decided it was an </span><i style="font-family: georgia;">awesome </i><span style="font-family:georgia;">idea to earn the "Looking Your Best" badge. Yeah, you read that correctly: Looking Your Best. Here's a picture of it:<br /></span><span style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span><img alt="http://www.bdgsc.org/shared/content/Product_objects/ProductImage/09306_LOOKING_YOUR_BEST_BADGE.jpg" src="http://www.bdgsc.org/shared/content/Product_objects/ProductImage/09306_LOOKING_YOUR_BEST_BADGE.jpg" /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;"><br />That would be a mirror, a comb, and a brush you're looking at. No lie. This is an actual girls scout badge...and I earned it. We were actually working towards this goal as a united troop! YEAH! I don't know how we found time between all the mini-bagel, peanut butter, birdseed bird feeders we made...but we did).</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">I realize the girls no longer bake the cookies (I would have so much more respect for them if they did. A cookie made without love is like a cookie with raisins in it *spit*). But what message is being sent? Does anyone ever think about Girls Scouts unless it has to do with cookies? It seems as though society is saying, "You're only important because of the cookies you sell. If you didn't have any cookies, I would have no reason to support you." Honestly, does anyone donate to them outside of cookie season? I highly doubt there would be as much support if troops held organization sanctioned bra burnings (</span><i style="font-family: georgia;">Buy a bra and throw it into the bonfire! Every bra is one step closer to camp!). </i><br /><br /><u style="font-family: georgia;">Self-Esteem</u><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Strangers will like you if you stand on the street and sell them some sugar? Wasn't this on Law and Order: SVU last week? I'm not sure this is what Juliette Gordon Low had in mind when she founded this organization, but I could be wrong.</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;"> (Not to mention the damage to your self-esteem when the same girl in your troop is always the top seller and gets that special Top Cookie Seller T-shirt </span><i style="font-family: georgia; font-weight: bold;">EVERY YEAR</i><span style="font-family:georgia;"> even though her mom just brought the order sheet to work and your parents refused to do that for you. Awful!)</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">In conclusion, it's not the organization itself I have a problem with. It thinks it teaches girls great strength...fine (and steroids help athletes fine great strength...whatever). My problem is with these damn cookies. I don't even want to call them cookies. Instead, they should be called machine-spawned, adulterated biscuits.</span>Shananahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05597479129364679669noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1071795978754998914.post-89526827257850702742011-03-04T08:08:00.000-08:002011-03-07T07:48:22.686-08:00Comment: Crimes Against Humanity - What's Wrong with the State of the World<span style="font-family: georgia;font-family:georgia;" >OMG!</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;font-family:georgia;" >NAP! Totally NBD! NY1 can c typing letters is CWOT. U need to T+ about it :)<br /></span><span style="font-family: georgia;font-family:georgia;" >MBN living up there in your ivory tower, glaring down on us commoners! IS IT?</span><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span><span style="font-family: georgia;font-family:georgia;" ><br /><br />Yeah, it's pretty damn sweet up here!<br /><br />That introduction was painful. </span> <span style="font-family: georgia;font-family:georgia;" >I'm GLAD to admit that I didn't know what some of those acronyms were. T+...what? Is there a new blood type? Are you contagious? Speaking in tongues (or should I say Typing in Thumbs - ZING!)? Be careful not to put that next to TB (<span style="font-style: italic;">TB T+? You have tuberculosis?!) </span></span><span style="font-family: georgia;font-family:georgia;" >I feel awful for all those people with dyslexia. This "lingo" must be a nightmare for them to use (<span style="font-style: italic;">BMN? You want blueberry muffins now? ).</span></span><br /> <br /><span style="font-family: georgia;font-family:georgia;" >And the worst - L8R. Why are you mixing letters and numbers? What is this, MATH?! Do I have to solve for "L" or "R"?</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;font-family:georgia;" >I don't know. This texting lingo could be this generation's shorthand. Maybe...? I'm surprised there hasn't been a surge in the field of stenography.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;font-family:georgia;" >Okay, I'll come down from my </span><span style="font-family: georgia;font-family:georgia;" >ivory tower and admit I have been guilty of using these <span style="text-decoration: line-through;">words</span>, <span style="text-decoration: line-through;">phrases</span>, abominations of the English language. They are convenient when you're texting, especially if you have an older phone that doesn't have a full key pad. It can get tiring clicking through the keys for a letter. And if you over click...WOO! Just put the phone down.<br />My real issue is when people start using these abominations outside of their texting realm. I do NOT want to open my work e-mail first thing in the morning and feel like I'm at a Justin Bieber concert...but that's just me.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">(On a side note: I was writing a paper once and Microsoft Word automatically transformed my punctuation into a little face. Yeah...I tried to type a colon and parenthesis and got a little smiley face. At first I just thought I used proper punctuation...but no. My punctuation was gone. It was like the computer was mocking me.)</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;font-family:georgia;" ><br />I will say there is a slight glimmer of hope: BM&Y is at least grammatically correct (as short as it is). However, I'm surprised it's not BU&I (between you and I...why is it "Y" anyway? Hasn't society banished "y" and "o" in reference to the word "you"? Damn, does my brain hurt).</span><span style="font-family:georgia;"><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"><br /></span></span><span><br /></span></span>Shananahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05597479129364679669noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1071795978754998914.post-400409395966323042011-03-03T10:24:00.000-08:002011-03-03T10:24:45.832-08:00Crimes Against Humanity: Ladies and Gentlement, I give you what's wrong with the state of the world:<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">A post from my personal blog, but one I'm sure should be taken up by T.A.S.K. as well. I KNOW Shanana must have some words to say on the subject. Check it out </span><a href="http://kristinseabolt.blogspot.com/2011/03/ladies-and-gentlemen-i-give-to-you.html"><span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">here</span></a><span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">.</span>Kristin Seabolthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16937031012052081279noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1071795978754998914.post-27310918499188824982011-02-08T15:08:00.000-08:002011-02-11T09:04:12.920-08:00Comment: Funeral Directors<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">First of all Shanana, you are to be commended for your use of the word asininity. I love that that's a word!! I will use it from now on. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New;">Secondly, seriously what is it with funeral directors? The first encounter I can remember was when I was 15 and my grandpa died. We had a small graveside funeral for him, as we had only a few family members with us. After we had sung his favorite hymns and said our goodbyes, we walked back to the cars to find the funeral director standing by his truck, tearing up. He told us the funeral was beautiful, and it reminded him of the small one he'd had for his grandmother the previous year. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New;">This guy was at least in his late forties, and all I could think was <strong><em>You lucky bastard, you got your grandma for thirty more years than I did and now you stand here and brag about it as I bury my own grandparent</em>. </strong></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New;">Come to think of it, I may have been a touch too sensitive at the time, but I still think I'm kind of right. I'm sure the guy was trying to be nice, but all he did was make me wish his grandma had died sooner. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New;">The second and more abominable encounter I had with funeral directors happened a few years ago when I lost my dad. My mom and sister and I walked into the funeral home looking like zombies the day after my dad died, in order to make final arrangements. In Nashville they like to make funeral homes look like mansions for god-knows-why, so we drove through this huge (grave-filled) property and parked in the front of a buiding that, I swear to you, was larger than the White House. <span style="font-size: x-small;">(I think the reason that they try to disguise the overwhelming number of funeral homes as plantations must be saved for another post.)</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New;">Once inside we were left to stand at the bottom of a great winding staircase until the funeral director came out to take us up to his office. After finally appearing, he apologized for our wait, and told us it was just so difficult for him to get up and come into work today because he'd just gotten back from vacation in Mexico. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New;"><em><strong>Nice. Vacation. Like my dad will ever take one of those again. So sorry to interrupt your slow wind-down to that awesome vaction you had. Douche.</strong></em></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New;">Then he proceeded to get increasingly annoyed with us as we continued to pick the cheapest options for everything. My dad was not one to have the cadillac of coffins with which to lower him into the ground. My mom was, naturally, a little out of it and kept worrying over minute details that were unimportant. After she apologized to the funeral director for the third time that the shirt we brought might be a little big because of how much weight my dad had lost, he sighed, annoyed, and said: </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New;">"Ma'am, it will be alright. Honestly, we just cut the back of the shirt and pants anyway and wrap it around them in front to make it look like they're wearing it. We can fit the shirt to make it look right."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New;">EXCUSE ME?!!? What person wants to know that? Reader, I would be willing to bet that even you - reading this on a day that does not proceed the day on which you lost your father - even you are probably disturbed by the knowledge that this is in fact how they dress the dead. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New;">Yes, I did picture them lifting the arms up and shimmying first an undershirt and then the button down shirt until it fit properly. Yes, I do expect them to have the decency to go through this trouble. I mean, they have no problem sucking fluids from the dead, can they not manage a little shimmying? That's all I'm asking for. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New;">But I'll settle for not knowing that all those dead people's clothes are cut in half and pinned in back - like they're all part of some high-fashion macabre model photo shoot cat walk.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New;">Not cool Mr. Funeral Director. Not cool at all!</span>Kristin Seabolthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16937031012052081279noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1071795978754998914.post-36852605654717433332011-02-03T07:45:00.000-08:002011-03-02T09:13:59.953-08:00Persons of Interest: Funeral Directors<span style="font-family:georgia;">Have you ever noticed that the word funeral has the word "fun" in it? Strange. Most people don't consider funerals to be very fun ("most" being the operative word). Understandably, they see them as a time for morning...a time to grieve the loss of a loved one. However, there are some who, though upset, use this time to reflect on a life; a celebration of life...and why not? You no longer need to worry about your loved one suffering. Your loved one will never again witness the asininity of mankind (toyless Happy Meals - way to be San Francisco; MTV's Jersey Shore...or really anything on MTV that's not music related).</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;"> Not long ago, my great-aunt passed away. She was 94. Merely thinking about her was enough to get her admitted into a hospital. Her passing wasn't so much a shock as it was a realization: she was gone. I knew her funeral wouldn't be a......funeral. Rather, it would be a celebration of her life. Thank God Johnny Reaper was there to host this celebration!</span><br /> <br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">My parents and I arrived at the funeral home a little early for the pre-funeral viewing (it's a little like "pre-gaming" before an event, only no alcohol chilling in a cooler...just a body...chilling in a casket...yeah...I don't do well with open caskets). As soon as we got out of the car, a funeral home employee came up to us and escorted us into the home. As we walked, he </span><i style="font-family: georgia;">very nicely </i><span style="font-family:georgia;">asked whether or not our car would be part of the funeral procession. We </span><i style="font-family: georgia;">very nicely </i><span style="font-family:georgia;">said we weren't sure - depends who needs a ride. No problem. Given that there was only one other person in the room (two if you want to count my great-aunt...ZING!), things were pretty quiet...until Johnny Reaper made his presence known:</span><br /> <br /><u style="font-family: georgia;">Johnny Reaper:</u><span style="font-family:georgia;"> *arms flailing* WHO'S DRIVING THAT HONDA????? ARE YOU DRIVING THAT HONDA?????</span><br /><u style="font-family: georgia;">Mom: </u><span style="font-family:georgia;">*with a look of </span><i style="font-family: georgia;">What the hell? Did I not just go over this with someone? Though you are the owner of this funeral home, would you please show some respect and not yell in front of the cold, lifeless body of my husband's aunt!* </i><span style="font-family:georgia;">We...don't...know...yet!</span><br /> <br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Unfortunately (or for your reading enjoyment - fortunately), I wish this was the only faux pas committed by Johnny, but it wasn't (like when he almost got into a thrown down with the priest right before the funeral mass...true story). You see, Johnny Reaper clearly no longer has a passion for the funeral business. He's just stopped caring. Which must be rough. I mean, how many people want to make a living off of death (an honest, open living)? This is a career in which one must rail against every new medical break through (when a cure for cancer is found, I bet every undertaker will die, just a little, inside. I wouldn't be surprised if these people are actually behind the Anti-Vaccination Campaign. All that being said, the family made it through the mass with little incident; thanks in part to the token Catholic in the family (you go, ma!). Even with Johnny Reaper lurking around the church, no one felt too awkward. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Then came the burial. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">There we stood: graveside on a cold November day, casket ready to be placed in the ground...and no priest. According to Johnny, the priest was at a different cemetery BUT one of his minions was on his way to pick him up. Silly priest, not double checking information Johnny Reaper gives - fool!</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">So there we still stood: family shivering...my amuptee uncle trying to rent out his wheelchair to anyone who wanted to sit...Johnny Reaper lurking around nearby tombstones (checking out his past work?)...waiting for the priest to arrive.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">All of a sudden, Johnny Reaper appears, somewhat out of nowhere as I'm sure he was pretty far away a second before. No one can find the priest.</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Naturally, I was very concerned. So I turned to my mother and yelled,</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">"WHO'S GONNA BURY THE BODY?????"</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Johnny Reaper, that's who! He decided it would be best if he took over the prayers and at this point, what was the worse that could happen? So he lead us all in prayer.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Before I continue, let's establish something. Basic speaking skills dictate one needs to take pauses when speaking. Basis grammar dictates that a period is an indication for the reader to make a full stop, a comma indicates a half stop...that's something the British understand very well. Johnny Reaper is not British:</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">"</span><wbr style="font-family:georgia;"><span style="font-family:georgia;">OurFatherwhoartinheavenhallowe</span><wbr style="font-family:georgia;"><span style="font-family:georgia;">dbethynameThykingdomcomethywil</span><wbr style="font-family:georgia;"><span style="font-family:georgia;">lbedone..." </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">This is exactly how he recited the The Lord's Prayer. I'm not sure what the rush was. It's not like the guest of honor was going anywhere. If she was even there. I think Johnny grabbed the casket closet to the door at the funeral home. I bet he rushed us along so no one had a chance to notice the big switcheroo. Apparently his tactic worked, because that was the moment when the family broke out into laughter (led by the token Catholic and me. Something that got us scolded for by the rest of the family. Really? Please. I bet Joseph of Arimathea was laughing as he placed Jesus' body in the tomb, "I can't wait to see the pharisees' faces three days from now. Jesus is gonna be all 'Wickedy Wack, I'm Back!' " This is how I mourn...deal with it).</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Looking back, I only wish two things: I hope my great-aunt somehow knows the solace/joy this calamity brought to her family; and that she takes comfort knowing we will never again seek the services of Johnny Reaper...over my dead body.</span>Shananahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05597479129364679669noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1071795978754998914.post-7000783356462176132011-01-30T15:39:00.000-08:002011-03-02T11:31:13.218-08:00Comment: Crimes Against Humanity - Garden Gnome Death Wish<span style="font-family:georgia;">I'm with you on this one.<br /><br />However, after looking at the cast list, part of me wishes this was an actual Shakespearean production of <span style="font-style: italic;">Romeo and Juliet</span>:<br /><br />James McAvoy - Gnomeo <span style="font-style: italic;">(Sure, why not?)<br /><span style="font-style: italic;"></span></span>Emily Blunt - Juliet <span style="font-style: italic;">(Sounds good)<br /><span style="font-style: italic;"></span></span>Michael Caine<span style="font-style: italic;"> </span>- </span>Lord Redbrick <span style="font-style: italic;">(Awesome, whoever Lord Redbrick is.)<br /><span style="font-style: italic;"></span></span>Maggie Smith <span style="font-style: italic;">- </span>Lady Blueberry <span style="font-style: italic;">(I don't know who Lady Blueberry is either, but Maggie Smith...pretty awesome)</span><span style="font-style: italic;"><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"></span></span>Patrick Stewart - Bill Shakespeare <span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-style: italic;"></span>(</span><span style="font-style: italic;">Maybe Julie Taymor was a </span><span style="font-style: italic;">consultant</span><span style="font-style: italic;">?)</span><br /><br />I must admit, these aren't the reasons why I want this to be an actual production. The main reasons:<br /><br />Hulk Hogan - Terrafirmenator<br />(O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou <span style="font-style: italic;">brother</span>?<br />Deny thy father and refuse thy name;<br />Or if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love<br />And I'll no longer be a Capulet <span style="font-style: italic;">because Hogan knows best!</span>)<br /><br />Ozzy Osbourne - Fawn <span style="font-style: italic;">(Why not throw him into the mix, too?)</span><br /><br />Maybe I'm a bit jaded - when I studied this play in high school, the teacher made us read the modern English version and not the <span style="font-family:georgia;">Shakespearean. Since then, I've always considered <span style="font-style: italic;">Romeo and Juliet </span>to be one of Shakespeare's "lesser" plays <span style="font-style: italic;">(Surely not lesser than </span>Coriolanus<span style="font-style: italic;">? Yes, lesser than </span>Coriolanus<span style="font-style: italic;">)</span>.The fact that a modern English version even exists is the true crime against humanity here; anything done to it after that is an improvement. When you dance with the devil, you get burned. Even though you lather on countless tubes of </span><span style="visibility: visible; font-family: georgia;" id="search">aloe-vera laced with holy water, you'll never be able to soothe the pain of that initial burn. You'll be haunted. The scar tissue will forever serve as a reminder of your fall from grace. </span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-style: italic;"></span><br /></span><span style="font-family:georgia;"> </span>Shananahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05597479129364679669noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1071795978754998914.post-57005814645490090392011-01-27T16:44:00.000-08:002011-01-27T16:44:53.681-08:00Crimes Against Humanity...: Garden Gnome Death Wish<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">I think my latest post on my personal blog is whingey enough for the T.A.S.K., so I thought I'd share. <a href="http://kristinseabolt.blogspot.com/2011/01/garden-gnome-death-wish.html">Enjoy.</a></span>Kristin Seabolthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16937031012052081279noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1071795978754998914.post-34659955957493548162011-01-19T09:49:00.000-08:002011-03-02T11:32:45.822-08:00Crimes Against Humanity - The Tempest (2010 Film Adaptation)<span style="font-family:georgia;">Okay...my issues:</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">1. Prospero is now Prospera - almost didn't see it because of this. This change is really no different than the Huck Finn issue. I'm pretty sure there's a reason why Shakespeare wrote this as a MALE role. </span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;"> Evidence: Stephen Greenblatt's </span><i style="font-family: georgia;">Will in the World: How Shakespeare Became Shakespeare</i><span style="font-family:georgia;"> - there's something biographically to be said about the father/daughter relationship (another fascinating read, Jonathan Bate's </span><i style="font-family: georgia;">The Genius of Shakespeare)</i><span style="font-family:georgia;">. Written towards the end of his career, Shakespeare returned to his home in Stratford-upon-Avon to be with his beloved daughter, Susanna, and her family. Just as Prospero returns home in good faith with his daughter, Shakespeare returned as a rich man, whose family would be provided for after he died. He was also able to bestow a coat of arms on his family, something his father John had failed to do. Prospero had a prosperous (HA!) life, was cast aside only to regain prosperity for himself and his family - no different than Shakespeare's life. (So many parallels!)<br /><br /></span><span style="font-family:georgia;"> Then again, the film is an ADAPTATION...I guess that's how Ms. Taymor can sleep at night.<br /><br /></span><span style="font-family:georgia;">2. Zoolander being cast as Ariel. I'm glad this connection wasn't pointed out to me until after the movie. How was anyone in the theatre able to keep it together when he ran through the air? Or really when he did anything? No...just no.<br /><br /></span><span style="font-family:georgia;"> 3. I don't usually like Shakespeare's comedies - this was no different. Taymor's adaptation of </span><i style="font-family: georgia;">Titus</i><span style="font-family:georgia;"> was AMAZING; understandably, I had high hopes for this. I think there's just too much happening in the comedies. Everything eventually comes together, but by that point I'm long lost. It almost seems like the comedic characters are being played way over the top, too.<br /><br /></span><span style="font-family:georgia;"> 4. Prospero is now Prospera - if you want to toot your feminist horn, fine...but make a movie about Gloria Steinem. Leave Shakespeare off of your agenda!</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">That's all for now. Please, feel free to add to this list. I know I can't be alone on numbers 1 and 4.</span>Shananahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05597479129364679669noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1071795978754998914.post-29950663633413381492011-01-06T12:38:00.000-08:002011-01-06T12:40:01.185-08:00Crimes Against Humanity (or maybe just Literature...which is the same thing): Huck Finn<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">So they've just announced the publication of a new edition of <u>Huckleberry Finn</u> in which the "N" word will be censored and replaced by the word "slave." Of course every major website with two brain cells to rub together has commented on the news (as you can tell, I've only read the ones against the censorship...I'm sure there are those in favor of it, but just the thought of them make me scared for the state of humanity.) </span><br />
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<a href="http://thefastertimes.com/nonsensenews/2011/01/05/an-exclusive-excerpt-from-the-new-very-censored-edition-of-huckleberry-finn/"><span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">The Faster Times had this to say:</span></a><br />
<br />
"This edition alters <a href="http://publicliterature.org/books/huckleberry_finn/1" target="_blank"><span style="color: #3d61b9;">the original text,</span></a> changing the word “nigger” to “slave,” which, we guess, teaches children the important false lesson that Southerners once owned slaves but didn’t call them by mean dehumanizing names, which apparently is worse on the moral relativity scale, or something..."<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">And I must say I wholeheartedly agree. Everyone's argument against the censorship so far seems to be that the book is actually meant to discourage racism, not encourage the use of the N word - children should read it and learn how not to be racist. This is definitely great, and a valid reason not to censor the book in this way. But, while I appreciate anyone willing to speak out against literary censorship, this is not the reason the book should stay in it's original form. That would be um...because that's the ORIGINAL FREAKING FORM of the text. You can't just change an author's writing 115 years after it's been published because it doesn't suit the times anymore. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Books are time capsules - proof of times past, moments frozen in time for the memory of society as a whole. Just because society has finally got on the whole black-people-are-people-too bandwagon doesn't mean that 115 years ago people didn't use the N word. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">We all know I'm a literature nerd and so text is sacred to me, so it's no surprise I'm against censorship like this. (Since when are the thoughts occurring inside an author's mind subject to changes and edits simply because those thoughts were born 100 years ago? It's misrepresentation of the author and his or her intent.) But it's not just literature that's being threatened with something like this, it's history itself. As shameful as it is, those words were said. Changing <u>Huckleberry Finn</u> doesn't change that fact...it's simply a way of running away from it.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Now I don't want to attack the scholars who have come out with this book too much because I don't think they're actually <em>trying</em> to be the big bad wolves of this situation. They told </span><a href="http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/2011/01/04/132652272/new-edition-of-huckleberry-finn-will-eliminate-offensive-words?ps=cprs"><span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">NPR</span></a><span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;"> that the reason for the new edition is so that the book won't be banned in schools and more children can be expose to Mark Twain's masterpiece. But my question is, what are they really being exposed to? It's not Mark Twain's work, but merely these scholars' version of it. It should be slapped with their names as author, since Mark Twain probably wouldn't claim the rights to it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Wouldn't it be more helpful to read this book with children and then discuss why using the N word is wrong? Why slavery and prejudice is wrong? How can you have this discussion when the blunt ugliness of the situation is softened by taking the word out? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">And finally I will close with a literary nerd rant:</span> <br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/2011/01/04/132652272/new-edition-of-huckleberry-finn-will-eliminate-offensive-words?ps=cprs">NPR says: </a><br />
"One of the scholars, Alan Gribben of Auburn University, tells<em> PW </em>that 'this is not an effort to render <em>Tom Sawyer </em>and <em>Huckleberry Finn</em> colorblind. ... Race matters in these books. It's a matter of how you express that in the 21st century.'"<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">What I have to say to this scholar is...Are you freaking serious?? How you express it in the 21st century? Write a book about it. Don't change a book written in the 19th century to express the 21st century's tastes. Does that make sense to anyone? I mean, really??</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">We might as well change all of the Jane Austen novels - and the Brontes' for that matter - to reflect that women can, in fact, own property and hold jobs. Why not let everyone marry for love without impediments as well? I mean that's not fair or very 21st century of those books to be putting women down like that, right?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New;">Let's change every single Dickens book because poor people shouldn't be put in prison simply because they don't have the means to survive. That's wrong!! Oh wait, now <u>Little Dorrit</u> doesn't exist. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">And poor little Holden Caufield is losing pieces of his story because we all know the whole male-mentor-hitting-on-him scene has to go from <u>The Catcher in the Rye</u>. If we just take that part out, maybe the schools will allow it and all those children can be exposed to the joys of Salinger. Except it won't be Salinger anymore.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New;">It is at the very least re-writing and destroying the purity author's work. At the very worst, it would be a crime against humanity (or maybe just literature...which to me is the same thing). </span>Kristin Seabolthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16937031012052081279noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1071795978754998914.post-22720190064402146892011-01-03T10:27:00.000-08:002011-01-06T12:41:08.608-08:00Comment: Crocs (The Rant Moves on to Tivas and Obscenity)<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Disneyland is the happiest place on earth. Disneyworld is just a place on earth that wishes it were Disneyland but isn't on the right side of the country so they made themselves bigger to compensate.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Yeah Crocs on kids are almost as disturbing as Tevas on kids. Have you ever noticed that Tevas are a family thing? Like you never see one person in a family wearing a pair of Tevas while the rest are in decent shoes. It's always the entire freaking family decked out in those weird, uncomfortably revealing shoes. Like if I wanted to see exactly how many hairs you have on your big toe sir (or sometimes madam, if we're honest), I would have found a way to get you barefooted. I don't want to see that while I'm riding the train though, you know? They're totally a cult thing because even the kids are forced to wear them. Like I bet if you see a pregnant Teva wearer, that fetus has probably got Teva's on. </span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuX0DyaiksikhEtVMp2v3vUFHULMqqHQ4VMTTmNi6kc8W_8o4JA7Vk13nix8WjWQqgjqLk6r-jmhRhemOb0bjiym_i49T_EEdaocCktaEE_yM5MwVWH6mc8jieXRmPVYMJWVJKf2BQTMA/s1600/tiva.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuX0DyaiksikhEtVMp2v3vUFHULMqqHQ4VMTTmNi6kc8W_8o4JA7Vk13nix8WjWQqgjqLk6r-jmhRhemOb0bjiym_i49T_EEdaocCktaEE_yM5MwVWH6mc8jieXRmPVYMJWVJKf2BQTMA/s1600/tiva.bmp" /></a></div><br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Maybe Crocs are the modest-man's answer to Tevas. For those who aren't feet exhibitionists, you know? It's still wrong!!!!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">And don't get me started on these:</span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYKu9uOSAX8TuCpmRn15823CBMwR-mcqTRyvouji_1cgn6xiJ7zMy1REr5zXEpnIybeYww7m8wS7XpTW2LAz6pDr6h3rM7A1x_kYJC08u2eescgcV4biAMCfw5o0ZzB61b8NgnpzuYTvg/s1600/feet.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="242" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYKu9uOSAX8TuCpmRn15823CBMwR-mcqTRyvouji_1cgn6xiJ7zMy1REr5zXEpnIybeYww7m8wS7XpTW2LAz6pDr6h3rM7A1x_kYJC08u2eescgcV4biAMCfw5o0ZzB61b8NgnpzuYTvg/s320/feet.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">THESE ARE NOT OK. Have you seen these? I saw someone who wore these. I was sitting across the room from him and suddenly saw some wiggling out of the corner of my eye. He was WIGGLING HIS TOES in these. I have never in my life seen something so disturbing. I wanted to cry. I almost did.</span>Kristin Seabolthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16937031012052081279noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1071795978754998914.post-52854305716318479802010-12-22T07:23:00.000-08:002010-12-22T07:28:59.559-08:00Comment: Crocs<span style="font-family: georgia;">HA! Infiltrating undercover! So true.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">They really make me angry. When I went to Disney World a few years ago, they were everywhere. I was angry in the Happiest Place on Earth (or Happier...is Disneyland the Happiest?) Either way, it wasn't right!</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;"> I can understand if you <span style="font-style: italic;">need</span> to wear them because you're on your feet all day and they really help your feet - chefs, nurses...that's about it. Those are the only professions I've even seen wear them. No one else should EVER wear them...</span><i style="font-family: georgia;">EVER.</i><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span><br /> <br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">"But they look so cute on little kids." No, they don't. Baby goats would look pretty silly in Crocs! (But seriously, children don't look cute...they look like little shits who can't walk correctly in their gigantic shoes. Whatever happened to the cool light-up sneakers? Granted, I never had a pair and never really understood why anyone would want them, but I'd rather see those than Crocs...at least you know when a gang of children is about to attack you at night...like the Gingers in that South Park episode...creepy).</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;"> And they have stores devoted just to Crocs - all they sell...CROCS! Is there really such a need for them that they need to have their own stores?! Really!?</span>Shananahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05597479129364679669noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1071795978754998914.post-15507571999944955172010-12-17T11:40:00.000-08:002011-01-06T12:41:40.528-08:00Comment: Crocs<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">I so agree with you on the crocs. They look like you have tires on your feet. Ugly neon tires in colors that should only have happened in 1986. Ew. They make you look like you're a nurse who nurses at a rave or something. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">And they've tried making sleeker models and those for some completely irrational reason freak me out way more. It's like they're infiltrating undercover. Like robots that wear people skin. If you're going to be a robot, the least you could do is obviously be a robot, like with metal and all that.</span></div>Kristin Seabolthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16937031012052081279noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1071795978754998914.post-62658688751393984282010-12-07T07:51:00.000-08:002010-12-22T07:23:11.590-08:00Persons of Interest: Nas-tea Shop<span style="font-family:georgia;">(Before I begin, I need to address a serious issue: When did "persons" become an accepted plural noun? Isn't the plural of person <span style="font-style: italic;">people</span>? I've noticed this with fish - when did "fishes" become acceptable?<br />If anyone can clear this up, please do so. It's of great concern to me.)<br /><br />I like tea. The problem: not many places sell tea, which means fewer place sell loose tea. It's pretty simple for a coffee lover to pop in the local Starbucks or latest hipster coffee lounge (*shutter*) and grab a freshly brewed cup of exotically blended coffee. Not so for tea drinkers. Sure, Starbucks has teabags and some smaller coffee shops will offer loose tea. It's...</span><i style="font-family: georgia;">okay...</i><span style="font-family:georgia;">I guess, but I want more. I don't want to be handed a cup full of boiling water with a burnt teabag bobbing around like a sun-bleached buoy. I want a full on tea bar. I want special blends freshly brewed before my eyes. Should I add sugar...honey...milk...leave it black (or green...or white)? Questions of the past! The tea brewers will know exactly what to do to achieve the best cup of your favorite tea, whether simple black or exotic rooibos. That's my dream. Oh, and they'll do it without a smarmy attitude.<br /><br /></span> <br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">It was Columbus Day. I had the day off from work and decided to grab some lunch with my parents. We went to a mall and my mom and I decided to stop in Teavana to pick up some tea (REALLY!?) as a Thank You gift for a family friend. I've shopped there before, so I knew what to expect from the sales people. It's sales...they're going to push but still let the customer stay in control (lies...I'll totally buy more tea with mere suggestions, but I still feel good when I leave). However, I could tell as soon as I walked in that this visit was going to be different, gravely different.<br /></span><span style="font-family:georgia;"> As we walked in, I noticed the sales man looked rather dapper...a little too dapper for a sales man who works in a mall, chain, tea store: suit, tie, dress shoes (*please keep this in mind for the rest of the rant). Whatever. Maybe he has a great work ethic - Good for you, Dapper Dan.</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;"> I decided to get an infuser to go along with this tea basket. Why have a bunch of loose tea and nothing to brew it in? I picked out a nice, simple, single-cup one much like the following:</span><br /><img style="font-family: georgia;" alt="http://www.fantes.com/images/1338tea_infusers.jpg" src="http://www.fantes.com/images/1338tea_infusers.jpg" height="157" width="166" /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Nothing fancy, but gets the job done.</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">I brought it over to the counter and prepared for battle. </span><i style="font-family: georgia;">(I'm ready! You're not going to load me down with all this unwanted tea. I'm gonna stick to my list, pay, and leave. You're not going to win THIS time, Teavana.</i><span style="font-family:georgia;">) Before I could place my order, the teaologist (yeah, the workers are called "teaologist". Seriously? Seriously) comments on the infuser:</span><br /><br /><u style="font-family: georgia;">Dapper Dan:</u><span style="font-family:georgia;"> I see you're buying a tea infuser. </span><br /><u style="font-family: georgia;">Me:</u><span style="font-family:georgia;"> Yep.</span><br /><u style="font-family: georgia;">Dapper Dan:</u><span style="font-family:georgia;"> May I make a suggestion for the exact same price you can get a much better one.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">He shows me the following:</span><br /><br /><img style="font-family: georgia;" alt="http://www.teareviewblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/perfect-tea-maker.jpg" src="http://www.teareviewblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/perfect-tea-maker.jpg" height="150" width="150" /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Crazy, huh? The top cup is the infuser and when you place it on top of another cup, the tea strains through. Supposedly, it's wonderful. I'll admit that I did buy one for my dad thinking he would be enthralled by it. He used it once. It's a bitch to clean.</span><br /><br /><u style="font-family: georgia;">Me (to my mom):</u><span style="font-family:georgia;"> Yeah. I can see her making a mess of that. (Not "with that", mind you. The recipient is a very "hectic" woman and I envisioned bad things.)</span><br /><u style="font-family: georgia;">Dapper Dan:</u><span style="font-family:georgia;"> Actually, that other one is a lot messier. You don't have to lift this out of the tea and worry about it dripping everywhere.</span><br /> <u style="font-family: georgia;">Me:</u><span style="font-family:georgia;"> </span><i style="font-family: georgia;">Okay...our friend might be "hectic", to say the least but she's competent enough to lift a small metal cup out of a larger cup. She's not that lazy. </i><span style="font-family:georgia;">Yeah...uh...the kids! Yeah, her kids are gonna LOVE that. I see very bad things happening with it (*this friend lives with her young niece and nephews...who are possibly easily amused).</span><br /> <u style="font-family: georgia;">Dapper Dan:</u><span style="font-family:georgia;"> NOT if you keep it out of their hands!</span><br /><u style="font-family: georgia;">Me:</u><span style="font-family:georgia;"> </span><i style="font-family: georgia;">Hello! WHAT!?<br /></i><u style="font-family: georgia;">Mom:</u><span style="font-family:georgia;"> You don't know these children. That's a lot easier said than done.</span><br /><br /><span style="background-color: rgb(255, 255, 102);font-family:georgia;" ></span><span style="font-family:georgia;">Disgruntled, Dapper Dan went back to the register and took my order. While he was scooping out the tea, my mother and I decided to buy a little English Breakfast tea. It's a simple, basic black tea we knew our friend liked. If she didn't care for the other two blends we gave, at least she had English Breakfast.</span><br /><br /><u style="font-family: georgia;">Me:</u><span style="font-family:georgia;"> Could I also get some English Breakfast, please? </span><br /><u style="font-family: georgia;">Dapper Dan:</u><span style="font-family:georgia;"> *eye roll* I honestly would get Golden Monkey. English Breakfast...well...it's the hot dog of the tea world. We only carry it because people demand it.</span><br /><u style="font-family: georgia;">Me:</u><span style="font-family:georgia;"> </span><i style="font-family: georgia;">I like hot dogs. Where's he going with...NOT COOL! </i><i style="font-family: georgia;">Dude, turn around! You carry a tea called "Weight to Go!" If that's not selling out, I don't know what is. I bet you don't even drink tea! You work in a CHAIN...in a MALL. What? The interview with Harney&Sons didn't go well? Could I please talk with someone who values/needs this $8.50/hour job?</i><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">This bashing of English Breakfast continued for the next five minutes, while he continued trying to sell me the $18.50/2 oz. Golden Monkey (I like monkeys, but it smelled like monkeys). Even when he talked me into buying a pound of English Breakfast, he </span><span style="background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);font-family:georgia;" >berated</span><span style="font-family:georgia;"> it. I can understand being somewhat picky about the water's temperature, the amount of tea used, and how long you steep it for. These are all factors that will affect the flavor of your tea (boiling = burnt tea; too little = no flavor; steep too long = bitter). But really? You're going to belittle people because of their flavor preferences? You like what you like. You can't force yourself to little something - you either do, or you don't. So Prometheus, thanks for the fire but you can take it back to Mount Olympus. My cup of English Breakfast will keep me plenty warm.</span>Shananahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05597479129364679669noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1071795978754998914.post-19959504230519680482010-11-28T17:08:00.000-08:002010-11-28T17:16:28.155-08:00Dumb Duds: Crocs<span style="font-family: georgia;">I hate Crocs. I just do.<br /><br /></span><img alt="http://www.crocshoesnews.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/crocs.jpg" src="http://www.crocshoesnews.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/crocs.jpg" width="110" height="106" /><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">Look at them! I probably don't need to continue but I simply cannot wrap my brain around this "fascination". People </span><i style="font-family: georgia;">say </i><span style="font-family: georgia;">they're the most comfortable shoes you'll ever wear. I'm sure a hair shirt also keeps you very warm (eh, Margery Kempe?). Okay. I've never tried a pair on and I'm completely judging them based on aesthetics. I also judge books by their covers - deal with it.</span><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">The most disturbing thing about them are the ads. They're weird. I pass the following poster just about everyday on my way to work:</span><br /><br /><img alt="http://brandingm3.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/15adco_ca0-popup.jpg" src="http://brandingm3.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/15adco_ca0-popup.jpg" width="434" /><br /><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">Why are the Crocs wearing their fellow Crocs? I would never wear shoes made out of babies. And </span><i style="font-family: georgia;">what</i><span style="font-family: georgia;"> is the Croc on the left foot doing? Is this an ad for shoes or foot fetishes? How can something that claims to be so comfortable make me so uncomfortable? And WHY would someone be wearing shoes while doing yoga? Sure, they aren't on her feet, but why are they there? It's just so disturbing on so many levels. </span>Shananahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05597479129364679669noreply@blogger.com1